Bangkok and Boats

I was on the plane to Bangkok with Matt. The plane was more like a bus, and we were sitting at the very front with huge windows so we could see all the scenery. We took off from San Francisco and shot straight into the air to avoid getting stuck in the clouds. The views were incredible: deep blue oceans, huge mossy rock formations, beautiful golden temples... I tried to take as many pictures as I could with my phone. I later was upset with myself for not taking videos instead, as the footage could have made a really cool short film. We had paid more to ride Singapore Airlines, and I was quite pleased we had.

We got to the hotel and we had to act fact to get a private room. All the other rooms were filled with a patchwork of beds meant for multiple people, but our room just had one. I opened the safe to find a fold-down, metal toilet and a tiny metal cubby hole meant for showering. I wasn't too jazzed about it but I figured I could make do.

*****

I was going to a presentation with my coworkers about a new ocean liner with a shatter-proof front cabin. One of our conference rooms at work had been all decked out, and I congratulated my Operations coworker on his festive and alive lighting scheme. There was a cake there in the shape of a ship. I could see the real thing from the window and thought it looked nice-- unsinkable, in fact-- but before I got too excited about it I reminded myself that that's what they said about the Titanic too, and we all know how that worked out. Plus cruise ships are not doing so well right now.

Imminent attack

There's an army advancing on my house in Duluth. I see them from the window in my parents' room and rush to hide. My first thought is to try the closets, but I later decide that they're too obvious a choice and decide to go to the attic, which is accessed from a door in my little brother's room, instead. I'm shocked by how large it is; it's much larger than I remember it being. I set to work slicing an old mattress in half and carving out a body-shaped hole in the foam, as well as some breathing  holes. I've just climbed in when I realize that the soldiers will probably slash through the mattress with their machetes, since they always do that.

On learning to compromise

I was having lunch with Anna, telling her about my Woes of the Week.

"He wants a sectional," I said. "A big, fatty, leather sectional. It will totally overwhelm the space. And I stick to leather in the summer. If there's one thing I know, it's that I didn't buy a house just to stick to the gigantic leather couch in the summer."

This wasn't the only design disagreement we'd been having. I pinned long and hard to come up with a color scheme I was totally in love with for what I'm calling Salon Neenuh. It involves light blue-green walls, neutral fabric furniture and blue and coral accents. He would prefer dark colors, like gray and brown and navy.

This really shouldn't surprise me any more, after nearly six years of being together. I first learned of our taste gulf when we were registering for wedding presents, and I was head over heels for a teal china pattern with BIRDS on it, and he wanted white with a single silver circle. I wanted the bold apple green mixer and he was adamant that we stick to the classic red or white. I wanted bright-bright-bright linens and he wanted brown. I married a monster.

And, I told Anna, he's desperate for a dog. I ticked off the reasons I don't want one:

• The vet bills. Dogs inevitably get ring worm and then cancer and then you have to pay for dog chemo and we just bought a house and how could we possibly afford that.
• The poop. Once you buy a dog you are then responsible for every piece of poop that comes out of its body.
• The shedding. I just spent an entire evening vacuum up the little white hairs the previous owners' best friend left EVERYWHERE-- like, they were even in the bathtub. 
• The noise. What if Pup decides my brother smells weird and it yaps its head off every time he comes over? Sam is related by blood (at least that's what we've been told); I can't just ban him from our house.
• The jealousy. What if we have a baby and then the dog gets jealous because we're not giving it enough attention and then it climbs into baby's crib and sits on baby's face AND KILLS OUR BABY?
• The poop. What if it's a fraidy-dog and I drop something because dropsy and it makes a loud noise and then the dog poops itself on our huge leather sectional?

Anna patiently refuted all my points and told me that I would love being a pet mama and that it would be great practice for being a real mama and that she would be our dog-sitter forever and always amen. And then she had a stroke of genius. I care about the furniture. Matt cares about the dog. I should use dog ownership as a bargaining chip to get him to cede decision-making capabilities.

Reader, that's what I did. And it totally worked. I look forward to inviting you to our humble abode this summer, where the yard will be poop-filled and the couches will be stick-free.

Hocus Pocus

I was in Paris. There was a carnival. I saw some people I knew, but I pretended I hadn't seen them because I didn't want to talk to them. I hopped a train so I could go back to the airport and fly home, and as I looked back at the city scape the lights from all the rides were really beautiful so I tried taking some photos. They were all blurry. As I turned to face forward, people flying broomsticks were lobbing bombs at the ground. I knew they were part of the rebel army. They dropped one bomb on the train tracks and the train skidded for awhile but eventually came to a halt. I scrambled off the top of the train, where I had been sitting, and took shelter in the wall of candy to my right. I came upon a small child and I scooped out a container of Mike and Ikes so she could hide too. The rebel soldiers came through the train tracks carrying machine guns. I was really worried they'd want a snack and would discover us.

*****

I was at a lock-in in my high school and we settled into our lockers to sleep for the night. The three witches from Hocus Pocus flew through the hallway and sang the "Come Little Children" song. A 6-year-old girl was lured out of her locker to follow them. My perspective switched to that girl. When I looked around me everyone's eyes were stars.

Poorly planned trip

My parents decided they wanted my younger brother and sister and me to go on a trip. The plan was to fly to Canada and then go on to Iceland and France. They were down in the Cities visiting my aunt and I was at my parents' in Duluth. We were going back and forth about how we were going to get to the airport and what tickets we should buy. Finally it was decided I would drive them. I was very worried about not getting to the airport on time, but a short way down the road I encountered the Mall of America, where I met my sibs. I was very angry about doing this trip with them since there had barely been any planning. I asked them if they even had any money saved up and they said no. I parked in long term parking and struggled in the rain to get all our luggage out while the sibs scampered off to Neighbor Lynn's house, which would connect to the airport. I had to take the backseat of the van out, and another car knocked into it. I tried to motion to my sister through the window that she should come out and help me, but Lynn had just served her breakfast. I was enraged.

Intolerance

I was in a house with some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They were old and wheezy.

I went out to the street and worked on my job review. I wrote it almost like a novel. It started raining and it all smeared.

I picked up a copy of the Picante Times and saw that I had written an article in it. It made me proud to see my byline again. A homeless man started yelling at me about what I had written and I ran away.

I was back in my high school. A current authority figure was my teacher. She told me I would have to stay out of her class today-- her mother was going to visit and she would be offended there was a Jew in class. I was stunned speechless. Later that day I passed her on the crowded stairs in between classes and she reminded me not to come to her class. "I'm Jewish, everyone!" I yelled. "I'm Jewish!" I immediately regretted my outburst and feared the repercussions. She caught up with me and took me into an empty classroom to explain that she wasn't prejudiced, but she had to respect her mom. I burst into tears and told her how terribly offended and furious I was about the situation. I told her there was no way her mom would ever even know I was Jewish unless she told her. She disagreed; my nose gave it away. She tried to make me feel better by telling me she wasn't allowing Walter in class, either-- on account of his homosexuality. "Walter isn't gay!" I shouted. "I went on a few dates with him and college and I can guarantee he is at least bisexual!"

Nostalgia

I was back on the U of M campus. I had one more task to complete before I could leave-- a sort of final: I had to fry a slab of beef on the sidewalk by Northrup. Karlee called to say she was done with her article so I went over to the Daily to edit it. Jim was furious that I would usurp his powers as her editor and break the chain of command. I told him I could break the chain of command whenever I wanted to. He got violent, and I used the moves I learned in my self defense class to beat him back. I used a desk for leverage and launched both of my heeled boots into his gut. I ran down the stairs yelling that he was a pervert.

I was trying to get home and used the "M" bridge by my old apartment building to get to University Avenue and try to catch a bus. I glanced at the cityscape from that vantage and felt sad that I wouldn't be able to have my wedding pictures there. I hopped on an open-top Campus Connector and we sped down frat row. I was holding a giant red exercise ball that was annoying the guy sitting in front of me.

I got off the bus when I saw signs for the No. 4 bus stop and ran into Bryce. He didn't see me so I tapped him on the shoulder. He was shocked that I was there, but had to run off to finish his finals. He left before I could tell him Matt and I were engaged. The 4D (for Denver) bus rolled up and I boarded, thinking how convenient it was that there was a bus that went all the way from the U of M to my apartment in Portland.