Anxiety and underwear

I had just moved back in to my apartment in Arlington. I was upset to be back in that dump, but happy if it meant I had another job in DC. I was greeted by Tim-- shirtless, of course-- and his girlfriend. I was shocked any girl would want to be with His Disgustingness. He had left dirty tighty whiteys all over my room. I yelled at him to pick them up and he gave me lip in return. I tried to reason with his girlfriend that he really shouldn't be leaving his dirty underthings in my room and all over my bathroom, and she just shrugged it off, saying he was going through a lot at the moment.

I went to BAM to get my hair cut. They were mad about my article.

I could hear party noises coming from my dad's office at my house. Perez Hilton, the gossip bloggers, was having a birthday party for his dog Teddy. I made sure he was a hypoallergenic before I picked him up. I asked Perez if he would do a post about me when it was my birthday. He declined.

I was Samantha from Sex and the City. I was in Younkers to buy Giorgio Armani boxer-briefs for my boyfriend.

International travel

I was in Paris visiting my friend Sarah and her friends. We spent a lot of time at a café and I checked my itinerary to make sure we would have enough time to do everything I wanted to do while I was there. I was shocked to find out I was scheduled to leave at 3:30 the next day, and from an airport I’d never heard of: Mairie Montreuil. I figured that I had gotten some sort of deal on the ticket that only let me stay there for a day in a half.

Concerned about getting lost trying to find the airport, I went into several shops to ask the proprietors in slow but grammatical French if they could tell me which way to turn. They responded in English that I should stop wasting their time and ask people in the metro stations instead. I eventually found a way there by consulting my handy metro map.

Before I left Paris I made sure to eat some Turkish Delight.

Instead of making it back to the United States, however, I ended up in Japan, which was about to host the Winter Olympics. I rode a bullet train around a snowy mountainside that had gigantic, curled, wooden ski-like things stuck into the ground in lieu of trees. There were bullet trains similar to mine that followed different, colored tracks. I looked back out my window and saw another train that was shrink wrapped with Disney characters on it.

I think a little girl was molested on my train, a practice that was apparently considered OK in the country. I tried to escape the train, and ended up clinging to its red, curly-cue track and making my way slowly to the ground. When I got there I thought about how jealous other people would be that I had made it to the Olympics, however peripherally.

A hog, a hoochie, I'm hungry

I was supposed to ride down to the Cities Friday night with my coworker Sarah. Instead, she told me, we would have to ride with Peter, the business reporter, on his Harley. I was extremely nervous about doing so as it was winter and I was afraid A. my toes would freeze off B. I'd fall asleep and fall off C. we'd get frozen in place and D. there just wouldn't be room enough for three people on the back of a bike. We ended up making it to about Proctor when his hog broke down and we had to ride bicycles back into the city so we could find Sarah's car.

I was in a shopping mall in DC. I went to get a smoothie and they gave me a lemonade-blue raspberry-chocolate chip combination that was utterly atrocious. I tried to complain but decided to just suck it up (pun!) instead. I turned a corner and saw my sister wearing shorts so tight they were giving her a muffin top and a skimpy tank top. I told her in no uncertain terms that she looked like a skank. She got upset and turned away from me. I caught up with her and tried to explain that she should buy clothes based on the way they fit her, not for their size. I've worn a size8 since middle school, I told her, but there are times when a 6 or a 10 worked better. This information amazed her.

My mom and I were waiting at a campus for Anna to meet up with us. I ended up going down to the cafeteria because I was hungry. My cell phone didn't get any coverage down there and I was worried she'd be mad at me because she couldn't find me.

Beloved B 'n B

It had just snowed a foot despite it being May, and I trudged through the snow from my temple. I snuck into Olcott House, the bed and breakfast where my boyfriend and I spent our anniversary. There were dishes of pecan ice cream on the table, and I started grabbing gobs of it with my fingers, thinking it would go to waste otherwise.

The house’s owner happened upon me and asked me what I was doing there. “I just love it here so much,” I told him. He laughed good-naturedly and told me it was time for me to go on home.

A few nights ago I had another dream I was at the Olcott House. I stopped in randomly and asked them if they had any openings for the night. The owner told me they actually didn’t have anyone staying in the entire house. In that case, I asked if I could stay in the master bedroom even though I had paid for one of the smaller ones. He said I couldn’t even look in the other bedrooms, much less go in them.